introspectalism & reflectation.

snapshots of inspiration for the next 365 days....



happy new year.....

x

what have you done today to make you feel proud?

i want to make promises to future becky that past becky should have maybe made to present becky in order to keep present becky from reflecting on past becky and asking her why she didn't do more about present and future beckys situation....so follows (20)10 ambitions, promises and commitments to me.....no cheating allowed...

1. draw more. you have 2 really nice ink pens...use them.
2. pass your driving test on the 1st attempt (and stop holding your breath when you change gear..it doesn't help.)
3. get a new "direction" that actually makes you feel like you are working towards something/learning/progressing....you deserve better.
4. spend more time with your top people that you love...they are so so so important.
5. move out and live closer to london so that point 4 is easier to acheive...aim for the lifestyle that other 20somethings seem to be living, even if it is all chatter and fluff.
6. continue with the crafty mini-business ambitions....start up on etsy, get a website & promote yourself.
7. read all the books you have collected and not read yet.
8. reconsider the blonde....attempt pastel coloured hair if approppiate.
9. force yourself to exercise.
10. ignore outside influences (and be the person you would be if there were no other people in the world.)

ok....ready, steady.........go.

happy 2010. x

look at his cheek hair!

look at his cheek hair! look at his cheek hair!!! why would you grow cheek hair in such a way? at what point did he look in the mirror and go "sod it, i'm gonna go long for winter"? and why did they LET HIM ON THE NEWS??? snaps to bbc news 24, way to go guys......

x

fleur du felt c'est belle.

so i've been busy making these cute corsages for people i know to give to people they know for christmas...i'm back in love with my kandi kane (that's right, kandi kane....american crafty goodness....) wot is essentially a soldering iron to stick sparkles on things...last time i used it was for my final year work, sparkling up some old military boots (which by the way, are AMAZING and i would wear them ALL the time if it weren't for the fact that they cost about £70 to make).

one time, i left it on unintentially and completely melted through one of my brothers playstation controllers. i offered to sparkle his playstation in apology but i don't think he was that interested.

x

i'm enjoying the visuals but i have issues with the plot...

this weekend turned out wonderfully when my best friend forever alexa rang me friday night asking if i was free (and i was) and to tell me that she will deffo be located in the south east for her 1st and 2nd year medical placements (which is HUGE news and a MASSIVE achievement for her!)....so on top of being really happy at finally getting my best mate back after 58 years of medical studying, i was even more excited to take her to the BUST christmas craftacular...


it was quite nice...not the brilliantness i had expected but a few nice bits...we didn't buy anything but we did do the tatty devine tombola (i won....we were really excited until we realised i had won horrific shiny gold dangly earrings....no, tatty devine, no.) i would have preferred these little magpies...or this sign necklace....but no, really, crappy gold dangly earrings are lovely, i'm sure i'll......put them in my bag and find them again in about 4 months then throw them away.



and then we shared a red velvet cupcake (as much as you can share with lexa) and had some tea, left and went to the museum of childhood just down the road and played with the exhibits then went to pizza express and ordered all the same things....(i love the soho pizza...it's like my korma-when-i-have-a-curry....i want to change it up, but i can't drag myself to any other pizza, for fear that it won't be as good, and i would have wasted a trip to pizza express on a CRAP pizza.)



this is my homegirl and i would move mountains of donkeys for her, evil out any girl that had been mean to her, give her all my kidneys and let her eat my sweets....woe betide the man who doth hurt my babygurl, for i shall kick your arse into oblivion.



love her. but like, truly.

x

like, it's like, art or something.

miranda july is pretty cool...all round arty lady, i love her actual art...her film was good but her book was not something i enjoyed...i wanted it to read like her other mediums...but it was really dark and obsessive. meh.



also, johnathan safran foer has written this book (his first since extremely loud and incredibly close...oh and that one about birds which costs about £30 on amazon...er, no) and while i LOVE him, i LOVE his writing, this one is just going to harp on about vegetarianism. maybe i'll borrow it off someone. maybe it's one of those books. not a wish list book, you know.

x

winona forever.

lush fashiony photos from tim burton and some fashion person (who cares?...TIM!)...personally, i think trying to make a freaky thing more freaky with freaky fashion inspired by tim anyways is a bit redundant...but i like the beetlejuice/edward picture above very much so....whaddooiknow.

i liked it when winona was tim's muse...she is tres awesome in beetlejuice...i guess that as soon as tim fell in love with johnny and johnny fell out of love with winona...something had to give...sigh.

best tim : edward scissorhands/sleepy hollow/batman returns

worst tim : planet of the apes/big fish

x

floaty light.

dresses by ida sjostedt...ahhh, so pretty...i wouldn't be able to do anything even vaguely manly in this outfit...i wouldn't even be able to lift stuff. or drink beer. i'd have to sit down a lot and wear blusher and be polite.


not to be a crazy pyscho woman or anything, but i'd wear this to my wedding.

this past weekend i went to the historic city of Bath with bonjameen for 4 days...we got our room upgraded so we had a historic four poster bed and we went to the bath spa and sat in the rooftop pool looking at the historic abbey at nightime...we shared a steam room with many japanese students until i got too hot and then had a historically yummy meal at jamies italian.

best things consumed this weekend: elderflower prosecco and massive green olives.

x

i need me some gourmet brain food.

gorgeous cloth covered classic books...i would read dorian all over again....were you annoyed at the ending of dorian? i was. i think part of me wanted him to live on, being evil, still looking beautiful, doing horrendous things, getting away with it. someone i knew once compared himself to dorian gray....i should have laughed at him and left, sharpish.

i've got christmas consumer sickness already...i feel really uncomfortable with all the buying and wanting and sequins and booze and fake snow and lip gloss and eating and excess. i think i've also reached my female media saturation point. i can't take any more "how to smell like peaches geldof" or "katie price uses this banana shampoo" or "look like cheryl for £46". they are all so ugly, all these famous people...you get so used to seeing pictures of them, that i think, if you met them, you'd be amazed to see...the back of their head...or the sole of their shoe...like it doesn't exist or something. you see pictures of these people, posing their asses off, and then you think, they had to do that, they chose to stand in front of photographers like that, with their hand on their hip, pouting, doing sex face. and that's just so horrible.

i think i'm tired and ready for the weekend.


x

p.s actually f**k peaches geldof though. gah.

tum tum.

too cute reworked vintage dresses by pastlapsaria...i love a line dresses the most because you can eat and eat and eat stuff like chips and monster munch and no one call tell because they can't see your pot belly. so for all they know, i could be really skinny. but you JUST DON'T KNOW because of my dress.

i think i could make peter pan collars like that for my dresses...i think i still have the basic block from my failed attempts at pattern cutting at college...(i went to one tutorial, realised it was pretty much trigonometry, realised it wasn't compulsory, didn't buy a protractor as asked and sacked it off.)

rock n rooooolllll.

x

but in a good way.

dresses by new york couture...aren't they hideous? but hideous in that way that makes you want to wear them and prance about and act like a precocious madam and only drink pink drinks with umbrellas and put sparkles in your hair?

you know what i mean.

x

bunny foo foo.

er, bunny foo foo pendant yes please santa thank you?

today was filled with pink paperchase decorations and office scandal and cheap food from greggs.

it would have been made better with a can of cherry coke around about 1:30pm.

x

anyway, back to me.

1. i wish my middle name was really my first name
2. i've already had about 15 different jobs. working in a snobby bar in Notts was the worst.
3. i wrote my dissertation in 3 days.
4. i have no internal thermometer....if its cold, i'm freezing. if it's hot, i'm fucking hot.
5. i once walked head first into alex zane whilst crying on the phone to my mum.
6. i love falling asleep but hate waking up more than marmite.
7. sometimes i can't finish bacon sandwiches because i realise it's pig.
8. i'm scared of spiders, faces at windows, gatherings of irregular shaped holes and i can't touch wrists.
9. i wish i'd had the guts to dress crazy when i was still young enough to look cool.
10. i loved being an art student and only now realise how much more i could have learnt.
11. i easily adopt other people's opinions as my own if i think they are smarter than me.
12. i hate raised voices and arguments. i will constantly apologise.
13. i had crushes that never reached fruition and i'm really glad they didn't.
14. i've been on the west end stage dressed as a french prostitute. only i kept my trainers on.
15. i still want my tongue pierced but i don't want to make my mum cry.
16. my best friendship was cemented when i stopped another girl using her expensive colouring pencils.
17. i once broke a girls arm in the playground by pushing her over. and i got away with it.
18. i have a serious sweet tooth that i fear may be my un-doing..
19. if i fancy you, i'll probably fall over in front of you. or poke myself in the eye.
20. i have an underpronounced lisp because my tongue is massive.
21. my next pet will be called gizmo. and my firstborn son will be sebastian. baz for short.
22. buffy the vampire slayer is AWESOME.
23. i'm a sucker for bashful eyes, big lips, inherent geekiness.
24. i will instantly place myself below new people i meet (metaphorically speaking) until they act like a dick and prove me wrong.
25. i would eat nachos a lot more often if only my boyfriend would let me.

x

you're so beautiful, it hurts to look at you.

my brother bought me the my so called life boxset for my birthday...i'm loving it in a major way. not only is it better than i remember but it's also making me remember how i felt the first time i watched it...i was probably a little bit too young to relate, but i was on the edge of puberty, pretty much terrified of my impending teens and all the spots and boys and sex and tampons and parties.

watching it now almost make me miss all the angst. boy angst, girl fights, crying, groundings, kisses, dates, make up, homework, phone calls, drinks, love, body spray, passing notes.

i had a jordan catalano. it was amazing and pointless. you know, like all jordan catalanos tend to/have to be.

x

p.s the reincarnation of jared leto as an emo-type indie-boy lead singer? it couldn't have worked out better.

deliberately losing my gym knickers.

tatty devine brooch for tate modern. nice.

the weather is completely rubbish today...my office looks how my school used to look when it was grey outside and all the strip lights were on. and you knew you had to go outside at 4 o'clock and get the bus in the rain to get home in time for neighbours.

nothing changes.

: (

mon nom est jc et je ne donne pas une merde

when i was at st martins, i often used to bunk off and just bum round london with cat...she was the only person i didn't think was an idiot...we didn't really fit in (but not in the good-not-fitting-in cool way, in the wow-st-martins-is-lame-everyone-is-making-shit-out-of-liquid-latex way)...we once bunked off to go to the V&A and JC de Castelbajac had a retrospective. it was BRILLIANT.


i like his stuff. it doesn't go much deeper than the fact that he uses bright colours, is french, often references popular animated characters and clearly does not give a toot about what's "in". he's just having a trolley load of fun designing cute things to make cute people cuter.


i would wear this to my party which would be held in pat sharps funhouse...you'd want to come, but you'd be stuck at home making shit with liquid latex and your own hair.

x

instantly there.

it's typical, is it not? i can finally afford polaroid film and they go and stop making it. then the existing stock goes out of date. then they make *new* polaroid cameras that cost about £678.

i'm going to make stitched felt polaroids with real pictures inside. then i'm going to turn them into a wall decoration. or little badges. yes i am. you can't stop me.

x

put it in me.

iz awesome.



pin badges by michelle kaffko....(i may copy this person.)

x

badly photocopied references again and again and again.

i loved lemony snicket's a series of unfortunate events...i thought it was AMAZING...it's such a shame it didn't take off in the harry potter way i think they wanted it to...the costumes are absolutely beautiful, they look old and gothic but still new and original at the same time....and the animated end credits made me stay in the cinema an extra 10 minutes...find them on youtube, trust.



sophia coppola's marie antoinette was everything i thought it was going to be (fluffy, stupid, pointless, emotionless) but the costumes? the costumes?! sigh.



i became totally obsessed with this film at st martins...it's called party monster and it's about michael alig, an 80's club kid who launched the new york club scene then killed his dealer and hid the body in a cardboard box...doesn't sound much fun but it opened my eyes to all these spectacular costumes...and leigh bowery and michael clark....basically, it made my sketchbooks a truckload more interesting...i stopped drawing dresses and started drawing boys in leotards...so much more fun....(i also posed nude for a fellow student's LCF portfolio, but that's another story....)



"i've been around the world but i've never been to me"....i love priscilla....i love the bit when tick is sitting on top of the bus with about 60 metres of silver parachute silk flowing behind him...mainly because it's completely irrelevent to anything (just how i like it...)....I wrote part of my dissertation on priscilla.....you'd be amazed at the gender theory issues present in this film...if you are ever really bored, i'll tell you.



sigh.......johnathan rhys meyers in velvet goldmine wearing feathers with blue hair?....in my heaven, this is what angels look like.

x

p.s today i am listening to roxy music : jealous guy.

ssh.

i love post secret.

i have a few of their books and they are both life-affirming and moving...some of the postcards make you laugh, some make you think, some make you uncomfortable and some just make you wish the person wasn't anonymous so that you could reach to out them and make it all ok.

it presents a collection of statements that make us both unified and separate (by own own choices, by someone elses choice, by our nature) and for that reason, i think it is a wonderful and melancholic exhibition of humanity.

or something.

x

tees for mee pleeease.....squeeee.

wow...so...i want these please.



lovely t-shirts from i love boxie...£37 each though......ouch....christmas present to myself?

john lewis really let me down last night...i went in expecting an orgy of ribbon and beads and exciting things but was presented with out of stock items, way too expensive fabric and this really annoying woman who was shouting into her phone about how much she loved "trimmings, trimmings, trimmings!"...i mean, really, i should go to berwick street...i didn't make the most of it when i was at Les Mis...out the stage door and just through Sex Alley were the cheapo fabric shops of my dreams....if only i could prevent myself from the allure of the "Genuine Asian Models Upstairs"....

x

brighton, blossom and....robots.

this photographer is called Cassia Beck and i really love her prints...she is going to be at We Make London craft fair in chelsea on 5th Dec....i really want to go...will you come with me?


she works, lives and photographs in brighton....i love brighton...from going there as a kid, to going there for incredibly romantic nights with bonjameen, to holing up in The Grand hotel for 3 days (squee) to wandering round in the sunshine aimlessly, yet always ending up in Bill's for towering pavlovas and excessive deli goodness...


...on an unrelated note, robot cushion. i would like a robot cushion.

x

self titled.

i want to think of a name for my (hopefully impending) online shop/pages...i am really struggling...i thought of a really good name last night but have completely forgotton it....brilliant.

how about:

pixielated

cold hands warm heart

hurts to look at you

(i think i like the last one the most?)

of course, i am massively getting ahead of myself as per usual....off to berwick street tonight to faff about with fabrics and return a dress that i still don't know why i bought.

brilliant.

x

if i could be who you wanted all the time...

a piece from jenny holzer's Inflammatory Essays that i became quite fond of around the age of 17...reading it now, i think i was a bit crazed with teenage lusty-angsty-ness. actually, i think i might have been a bit scary. wow. figures.



i like quotations as graffiti....it's more interesting than a tag and looks like the writer felt that they HAD to exclaim it in a public place, just had to make sure everyone read it, that it affected others...etc etc...

the above is very true about me...fact.

x

p.s expiring for love is beautiful but stupid.

a very krafty khristmas......and beyond...

this weekend just gone i went christmas shopping with dave and becca...they were buying decorations for their trees...(i wish i had a tree of my very own...wah...)....we went to this shop off carnaby called Beyond the Valley, which i reckon is an outlet for St Martins graduates to sell their wares, you know, since alexander mcqueen isn't interested and stuff....henceforth, about 40% of it is easily achievable by moi avec un peu de temps....i'm going to make dave something like the above, except with black stretch foil...(£8 per metre, john lewis...yush..)


this is just pleats of tulle/chiffon/whatever knotted onto a cord.....i was all "dave, look! this is going to be really easy to make! there's nothing to it! how much?! £120! are they having a laugh!?" and then realised the shop lady was behind me...."oh hai, shop lady...i'm just hanging out, mentally bastardising your stuff, hope yous don't mind!".


also, this, being sold for £45 (again, are you having a bubble?) is just felt loops stitched together...i just think, if i got my shiz together, maybe made some stuff, got an etsy page, got friends wearing it, went to some craft fairs....who's to say i couldn't make some pocket monies? i think i could. i know i could.....right? right?

huh........maybe.......x